Time of rejoice; Letter of Indians to Pakistan & Pakistans to Indians.

[Aqeel]

After the two upseting threads to give the environment a healthy, fresh change I'm with these two letters. One posted at Vichar by chanakya an Indian blogger and in his response KO the Pakistani blogger writes at Ko offroadPakistan.
See the friendly neighbourhood.

A letter to the Pakistani people
June 14th, 2005
Dear Pakistani People,

We like Pakistani people. And we dont just mean Adnan Sami, Jal or Strings – we mean regular Pakistani folks. In fact, we like most people and cultures. Heck, we tolerate Laloo and he’s totally out of this world. We can understand your accent much easier than his!

Most people of the world like India too, and love to visit us (unless they are coming to play cricket). After they get over their severe stomach upset, most tourists enjoy our hospitality. Our best cities are a wonderful melting pot of different religions and cultures. Globalization in India has given some of our cities the opportunity to become global melting pots (the heat helps too). You guys should see the number of foreigners patiently standing in line (even when there is none!) applying for drivers licenses in Bangalore and Pune. Some foreigners are even standing in line to become our next Prime Minister. Getting a drivers license is easier.

While we like Pakistani people, we don’t really like the dude who currently fancies himself as your “President”. Given that he was born in India, we feel sort of responsible and guilty in some weird way. If you guys want to send him back we’d probably have to take him (yikes!). Google is hiring in India, and maybe he could work for them. He is something of an expert in searching, we hear.

Anyway, in India, when we get a crappy Prime Minister (happens frequently!), we say “Who the @!#$ elected this moron?”. Friendly, neighbourly suggestion – maybe it’s time you guys started asking yourselves this question too. BTW, one of you cool dudes reading this should tell him that he doesn’t scare us with his see-how-crisp-my-uniform-is routine. Indians are more scared of Mogambo (r.i.p.) than the General in his new clothes.

He (or his “government”) might have told you that even though we might be an “IT superpower”, at heart we are really a rabid bunch of Hindu fanatics out to burn masjids, discriminate against muslim Indians and beat the Pakistan cricket team in every single cricket match. To be fair to the fabled Pakistani PR machine, one of these statements is actually true. But after our recent convincing series win in Pakistan, even that is sort of not true. Witness how we let Pakistan win a game or two in India. Also, we dont really think of ourselves as an “IT superpower” – we would be perfectly happy with “upwardly mobile IT subedaars” right now.

But seriously, only a very few Indians are Hindu fanatics. More people want to watch Nazar in India than want to burn up a mosque (and hardly anyone wants to watch Nazar). And even those who say they are want to burn up a mosque actually just want a decent job (they may or may not know it). Once they get good jobs they mostly end up working hard and watching Bollywood item numbers just like you guys. Except, since Bollywood is not banned in India, they can do so legally. Actually, most people (outside of your government and military) dont give a damn about this Hindu/Muslim stuff. Youngsters these days just want to have, you know, fun.

Partition is no problem for us either – we’re like so over that breakup. Moreover, we’re sort of used to having Pakistan as our neighbor too (whom would we play cricket against if it weren’t for you ?). Besides, it would sort of suck to have Afghanistan next door. BTW, we heard Musharraf broke up with Osama ?! Man those guys go back a long way! Stranger things have happened. Last year, Govinda gave up a perfectly good marriage to run after Rani Mukherjee. Whats next, we wonder ? The Bush vs. Blair showdown ? (yeah right!).

With all due respect, your “journey to democracy” is running more late than the always-late Jammu-Tawi express, which has also started running on time these days!. You guys should get a move on, get a real President and join the democratic block party we’re having next Holi. Veggie Kababs on the house! Okay maybe just a few meaty halaal ones for you guys (veggie food is healthy you know – give the goats a break and all that).

We’ve got some serious cant-mess-with-em folks in our Indian Army (as Musharraf the Party Pooper found out but never admitted). Sometimes when we get angry, we start shouting “KILL THE @#$#$$sss “. But we only say that to each other, and only when we’re playing Unreal. In real life, we don’t really want war. But when Party Pooper’s thugs start occupying our peaks, its sort of like the feeling you get when the “doodhwaala” (milk-man) starts screaming at you in your ritzy apartments for past dues – in full view of the very neighbor you’re trying to date. Sort of embarasses you, and you just want to, you know, get him the heck out of there really quick. You’re not going to stand around getting pushed around by a doodhwaala, are you ? Which is what we did the last time. Surely you understand. You guys have doodhwaalas too, right ?

Sounds good, but what about Jammu and Kashmir, you say. Ah yes. A real party pooper that. Well, here’s the truth. We’ve grown up seeing the “whole” of Jammu and Kashmir as a part of India in our textbooks. But then, so have you. So here’s the plan. Rid yourselves of the party pooper in the army costume and get a real government. Then lets talk over a few beers (okay, kawa or whatever for you guys. Lighten up, its just a figure of speech!). Let the guns stop talking and the kawa start taking effect. Then who knows what we will think of together ? Whats the tearing rush ? The Himalayas aren’t going anywhere. At least lets first stop slapping one another around and running to the U.S. like two silly brats in a school yard. The world is laughing at us, you know.

We hope you kind of get what we’re all about by reading this letter. If you do get it, we’d love to know what you feel. With a billion people, we kind of get confused all the time. It would be nice to get, you know, an outside perspective.

Yours truly,

chanakya at vichaar dot org – Your friendly neighborhood Indian blogger trying to project the views of an unknown number of other Indian bloggers.

Entry Filed under: India Pakistan Relations, Humor by chanakya
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A letter to the Indian people

Posted June 26, 2005 to World category.
In answer to A letter to the Pakistani people:

Dear Indian People,

Glad to hear that you’re finally coming to your senses and puzzled it took you so long. It’s sad so few of us can visit the other country, or we would all have better impressions of each other.

You mentioned that you like some Pakistani music, and I could see you had to struggle to come up with some names - don’t worry - while there is a lot of talent here, Pakistani’s too know far more about Indian music than their own. There is hardly anyone who doesn’t listen to Indian music and watch Indian movies - hop into any bus on any road (or dirt track) in Pakistan and the chances are the latest Indian film songs will be playing. You write that Bollywood is banned here, but it isn’t - the government would have a easier time banning cricket than Bollywood - and in either case you can well beleive the govt. wouldn’t last the day.

In Pakistan, we have a slightly different democratic system from India, where you have the worlds biggest elections. You guys go to great lengths making sure everybody gets the chance to vote, wasting time and money sending voting machines on elephants and what not, while we have greatly streamlined the process. You see, Musharraf tells us he embodies the people’s desires, and so when he votes its the same as the whole country voting, so our process is much faster and terribly efficient. We hear that Bush is really envious of our system and has been asking Musharraf tips about the next US election.

Sounds good, but what about Jammu and Kashmir, you say. Ah yes. A real party pooper that. Well, here’s the truth. We’ve grown up seeing the “whole” of Jammu and Kashmir as a part of India in our textbooks. But then, so have you.

Actually, in Pakistani textbooks, there is a line drawn through Kashmir, with a third of it in Pakistan, and the rest in India. The whole situation is one big absurd mess now, with the lives of millions held hostage to petty intrigues as various idiots used the plight of the Kashmiries for their personal political gain. It’s high time the situation was resolved, and many of us are puzzled as to why many Indians are dragging their feet on this. You say Rid yourselves of the party pooper in the army costume and get a real government, but by the time that happens you and me will probably be dead and gone, or living under a mushroom cloud, so why is it that after so many years your govt. is still getting cold feet? What is it afraid of? We might have a leader democratically elected by himself, but he’s really serious about resolving the Kashmir mess. You ask where’s the rush, but ask the hundreds of millions of people living below the poverty line in the indian subcontinent that question - the himalayas won’t go anywhere but millions suffer every day as our countries make plans to buy billions of dollars worth of expensive toys.


You write about the the fabled Pakistani PR machine, which apparently demonizes India now and then, but I’ve been reading at least one newspaper a day (usually more) for the past many years, and they really don’t think anymore that you are at heart a rabid bunch of Hindu fanatics out to burn masjids, discriminate against Muslim Indians and beat the Pakistan cricket team in every single cricket match. Really - stop reading the old history books and those tired old retired lieutenant colonels who keep going on and on like a broken clock. Hell, we have such a vast surplus of retired army personnel that you’re most welcome to them.

Considering the statements some of the Indian political leaders make now and then, you should have learned to ignore the words uttered by some of our more idiotic politicians every now and then - we’ve been ignoring them for a very long time now, and it’s high time you guys realized that there will always be a few nutcases everywhere not representative of the majority. Talking of nuts, even the hardest can reform - look at LK Advani, moving on from tearing down mosques to praising Jinnah.

The kargil incident was a doozy, but I don’t think you need to worry much about the Pakistan army - they’re too busy building housing society’s all over the country and giving out plots to each other while running ruining all its public institutions to have any time to think about war.

We hope you kind of get what we’re all about by reading this letter. If you do get it, we’d love to know what you feel.

Well, I’ve listened to arguments for friendship with amusement and sadness - it’s the 21st century and still too many in the subcontinent are struggling with their feelings for their neighbouring countries. How does one dislike an entire nation, especially when both countries were one just a short while ago? I hope those of you making slow overtures to peace catch up with the 21st century real soon now - what has been holding you back for so long? Here, the majority are ready - after the Indian cricket team beat Pakistan in their first match in Karachi back in March 2004, the Indian team received a five minute standing ovation as they walked off the field.

It’s just as sad listening to Muslims dredging up past glories as it is listening to Indian/Pakistani celebrities finding out after a lifetime that they love their neighbouring country. Does that mean they hated/disliked each other up till now? Really? If so, why? Over the years our leaders have waged war and then taken halting steps to peace only to quickly run back to the safety in jingoism which their mediocrity demands, using hatred and fear for easy political gains. I have been watching this whole process from the sidelines for many years, wondering when the whole madness will end.

When the politicians or the talking heads on TV talk about peace, and how we should ‘learn’ to live with each other, one can only sigh and wonder what rock they’ve been living under all these years. Welcome to the 21st century - the whole world is moving on and it’s not going to wait for us to solve our soap-operaic problems. Just a few decades ago, around the time of partition (some of you must remember that, right?) there was this little incident called World War II, where some European countries went a bit nuts and started slaughtering each other. Well, today, these very same countries are now part of one big happy union. Partition was bloody, but we, who are so fond of dredging up selective bits of history to sling around really need to put things into perspective.

Yours,

ko - ko at offroadpakistan.com

[gossipingrae]

I'm glad that these two cultures seem to be getting along, and it's nice for you, Aqeel since this affects you. I'm just not all that interested in reading about this stuff. I get a lot of world headlines from foxnews.com.

[Qwerty]

Although, that is just two people's own opinions and interpretations...

[Aqeel]

Orignally Posted by gossipingrae
I'm glad that these two cultures seem to be getting along, and it's nice for you, Aqeel since this affects you. I'm just not all that interested in reading about this stuff. I get a lot of world headlines from foxnews.com.

Yes, things are changing there, specially the middle class of the both countries, which is a major part of the population have a great change in thoughts. Yes, it really dose affects us as we are living under shadows of nuclear war and the other major problem is both governments spending on defence, that had diverse negetive effects on ecnomic growth and general public's benefits.

Originally Posted by Qwerty

Although, that is just two people's own opinions and interpretations...

That's not just two people's own opinions and interpretations actually that's the real state of society here in both countries, there likes dislikes, these are thoughts of the major population here excluding extreamists, politician.

[__m3nt4l__]

Politicians... bah.

[Qwerty]

Originally Posted by Aqeel

That's not just two people's own opinions and interpretations actually that's the real state of society here in both countries, there likes dislikes, these are thoughts of the major population here excluding extreamists, politician.

I say again. That is just two people's own opinions and interpretations.

[Aqeel]

Originally Posted by Qwerty

I say again. That is just two people's own opinions and interpretations.

Would you please explain how do you say that its two peoples views only?

[Qwerty]

One person writes an editorial - One person's opinion and interpretation.

Another person writes an editorial - One person's opinion and interpretations.

One plus one is two.

Hence, Two people's own opinions and interpretations.

Simple, really.

*dopey smiley face*

[Aqeel]

Dear Qwerty; it's not as simple... two common people from two nations;
from two socities;
representing billions of common people from both nations; Hence these are not just thoughts of two people. Yes, it's one on one but that one on one is ... two nations, one on one.
If not agree google it now; India Pakistan Friendship.
Just for an example see this news story from a fashion show in Pakistan or for instant Hindustan Times site searched for this key word.

[__m3nt4l__]

If we dont make such a big issue about the Indo-Pak friendship, everything'll be normal. Politicians take advantage of this and do stuff... Not gonna explain what "stuff". But yeah.. lets just be normal.