Students Hopelessly Addicted to Instant Messenger

[BigBlueBall News]

Amy Smith
October 9, 2003

Let’s put ourselves in a scenario that most of us know all too well. One lonely evening, you go to the lounge down the hall in order to get away from your computer and really concentrate on your work. But whoops. You forgot a highlighter/pen/all of your books. Back in your room in time to not even achieve idle-status, you "happen" to glance at your computer, and lo and behold, you have one new message from RandomGuy99! You then proceed to exchange meaningless rapport with this acquaintance, while compulsively going through your buddy list filled with yellow notepads. Snickering gleefully, you continue to indulge in your desire to know everything about everyone’s life by reading away messages and profiles. This results in an hour of wasted time, and much pondering as to what exactly your ex was thinking when he put "moisture is the essence of water" in his away message. At this time, you might be coming to the realization that you are undeniably addicted to AOL Instant Messenger.

Well, the truth hurts. I have come to one of two conclusions concerning the epidemic of AIM fever that has spread throughout the UMBC campus community. 1) The issue is spiritual, in that AIM is an evil spawn of the Procrastination devil, and those who created this time-killing nuisance were under possession of said devil. My other, slightly more probable deduction is 2) there is a clear-cut explanation for this psychosis, and there will soon be some sort of clinical diagnosis for maniacally checking AIM profiles/away messages.

Someone has been idle for two hours (ah, the sweet luxury of hovering), and you just checked his/her away message 20 minutes ago. But somehow, an irresistible force moves your right hand—mouse firmly intact, ready to make its move—to highlight Acquaintance82’s screen name. Mechanically, you right-click-left-click, in that oh-so-swift fashion of getting member info. Damn, it’s just so easy for a crazed lunatic to indulge in his/her obsession these days.

I too am a victim of this disorder. Just a few minutes ago, I’m sure my suitemate wondered why, in my single room, I piercingly screamed, "Nooooo!!" out of nowhere. Well, it was because my connection (and therefore my life force) was interrupted. As I write this article, I am talking to three people of whom I have no intention of actually hanging out with anytime in the near future, and I am certain that none of us really care "what’s up." However, I can most likely tell you what they did yesterday and the day before, that is if they’re not the elusive type that leaves "chillin’" or "out" as their away message. What are they thinking, not telling me where they are? Jerks.

Apparently, no one is immune from the AIM addiction. Just the other week, I was falling asleep in my Psychology class, when I heard the familiar sound of a first message received. At first I thought I seriously needed mental help, but then I noticed my peers waking up from their drooling slumbers, looking around as though they had heard the well-known chime too. We curiously looked up at the projection screen, from which we were theoretically learning about cognition from PowerPoint slides. Yes, it was true. Our psychology professor had received an Instant Message.

Seeing as though this obsession with AIM is campus-wide, I thought I might also include some useful links in order to help you continue your time-consuming addiction. Just think of me as a higher form of a drug-dealer. Big-O-Software (www.big-o-software.com) has a nifty add-on to AIM called AIM+, which will remove those annoying ads, make your window transparent, log your IM history (warning: for those of you who have scandalous conversations, turn this feature off - trust me on this one), and much more. However, it can’t be used with AIM 5.0, the wonderful new version of AIM that takes up even more of our time by forcing us to watch "WhoIsThisPerson74 is typing…" at the bottom of the IM window. Ignite Software (www.ignitesoft.com) also has a similar program called Extreme Messenger, with the same features as AIM+. This program can be used with AIM 5.0 and it also has the added features of colorful faded text and an away message scheduler.

Enjoy. ;) TTYL.

This editorial originally appeared in the University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC) Retriever Weekly and is republished with Amy’s gracious permission.