Funny stuff kids say...

[Jeff]

Thanks to shearheaven for forwarding this... too funny! <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three-year-old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"
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A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a dead cat. She asked, "How do you know that it was dead?" "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
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A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice, "The big sissy."

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It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
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A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Jeff Hester aka "Mister BigBlueBall.com"

[Phil]

*chuckle* the first 2 made me laf the most...very good! <img src=icon_smile_cool.gif border=0 align=middle>

[Mr. Diablos]

Wow, that's funny... Got anymore?

" You'd be such a hottie, if only you kept your mouth shut! "

- Kou Leifoh, The Bouncer

[LADYJ]

My husband use to work for a Naval shipyard, and On many occassions I had brought my young niece with me to pick him up from work. One day we were sitting there , I noticed she was closely examining the battleships that were docked there, she had that look of puzzlement on her face, and I asked her what was wrong, she replied to me, I know uncle helps build the boats, and I know that they float, but what i want to know , is How do they get all that water around the boats?
out of the mouths of babes.......so they say........

LadyJ<img src=icon_smile_kisses.gif border=0 align=middle>

[shearheaven]

I thought this was so cute...lol


If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday School class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!" "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!"
"Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

shearheaven

[Phil]

HAHAHA!! there's sense to their answer though, u gotta admit!! oh the joys of children!! lol <img src=icon_smile_blush.gif border=0 align=middle> *chortle*

Phil <img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>