THOU SHALT NOT SKIM FLAVOR FROM THE HOLIDAYS

[Jeff]

THOU SHALT NOT SKIM FLAVOR FROM THE HOLIDAYS
By Craig Wilson, USA TODAY

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an egg-nogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point ofgravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.

Merry Christmas!!

[rustedtight]

Thank you Mr Wilson,
Never have I seen so much commonsense in one place, so much welcome advise, will I follow it? Religiously sir, certainly.

As for item 4. Milk is for wimps, real people use cream, hmmmm.

See you all at the gym mid January.
Get thee behind me Glutus Maximus.

Dee.

[melnee]

Oh My!! I do believe I am in love with MR. Wilson!!!

Now that is exactly the way the holidays should be. And its exactly the way mine are, and will continue to be.
Dee, sorry, I wont see yall in the gym in January though. I will just roll around in the floor here at home for a week or two,trying to lose a pound or two, till im sick of that too. Then since my birthday is in January, I'll just go have me some coconut birthday cake.

EAT, DRINK AND BE MERRY!!!

[shearheaven]

Ohhhhhhh MR. WILLLLSOOOONNN...Come to my house sweetie pie...I PROMISE you won't be disappointed...*Wink*...

We are saving the carrot for the boss...Right Dee?...lmao

[JazzBaby]

Man, I love holiday food. Why would you want to diet at the best time of the year to be eating?? I just don't understand it...

Have you ever talked to one of those really skinny people, who say its so easy to stay slim, because they just don't feel hungry? Some times they just for get to eat... I can see forgetting to go to work, where your car keys are and that your in-laws are coming, but forgetting to eat? That takes a special kind of stupid

Happy Holidaze